Cowboys and Outlaws

Our first clue that the Cowboy Bar and Restaurant was going to be fabulous was that the door handle was a rifle. The place itself was pretty big inside, with a bar, a juke box and some tables up front, some more tables and a pool table in the back. The bartender was probably in his early to mid thirties (though it's hard to tell--people get weathered up here real fast). His name, amazingly, was Rex, and as we interrogated him, we learned that he was originally from Tennessee, but moved up here to be a ranch hand. What exactly was Rex's job as a ranch hand, you ask? Well, Lizzie asked, and she kept asking, and eventually our dear Rex blurted out that he inseminated the cows. Lizzie required a more indepth description of his duties, and apparently there isn't much romance, but a series of vaccines to bring the animal into heat, and then some turkey baster action. Rex administers the shots, and it's up to the ranch owner to do what Rex called the "Tail end of the job". I'll say. Anyway, Rex turned thirteen shades of red while telling us all this, but it didn't keep him from making our drinks strong. Then again, maybe he made them strong to shut us up, as if that would work (note, I asked for a whiskey sour, and he was confused and said 'we have margarita mix', so I just mixed it with tonic water instead. Yeowza).

As we continued to converse, Rex alluded to some fugitive action that had gone down recently (apparently the Cowboy bar and grill was also where Butch Cassidy was arrested years ago for horse theft), and Craig Johnson had also mentioned it, so we asked for the details. My Dad is going to love this. So apparently one of the three fugitives (referred to as the newish Bonnie and Clyde) after stabbing a man 51 times ("Fifty-one times," said Rex, "That' s so...so much rage...it's so..." "Personal?" I add) escaped to Meeteeste, and ate in THIS VERY BAR. He was sitting in the seat Lizzie was in, and Rex couldn't get over how lucky they all were, because this guy could've easily killed them all. He had asked Rex not about cow insemination, but rather about how many folks in the bar were carrying fire arms (all) and had tipped well after getting smashed and not eating all of his chili burger. He went to church on Sunday, singing and all, and was arrested the next day outside the Cowboy Bar and Grill. Rex thinks he was tired of running, but was grateful he hadn't decided to shoot him in the back of the head and rob the till. We are too, Rex.

We continued to chat (and drink) and toward the end of the night, after playing some awesome music on the jukebox (my favorite being Elvira by the Oakridge Boys), we decided it was time to leave. Our friend Rex took this opportunity to tell us that there had been tons of bears around, and to be careful walking the block home (it was around midnight now). We joked and said "So, if we see a bear we run?" and he said "No! Never run! Try to make yourselves look big!" Not a problem after the myriad of fries I'd eaten that day. We shook hands with Rex (who was still shaken up about the fugitive not shooting him) and took off into the dark. When we got to our motel, I being the more sober of the two of us (for once), got the key ready. I saw a small black furry thing running away (it was about dog-sized) and said "at least it's not a bear" but then, because I shouldn't say things like that, saw a GIANT BLACK FURRY THING coming toward us from the woods. We didn't wait to find out what it was (Elk? Bear? Mountain Man?) and we pushed in and shut the door behind us.

Phew.

Sunday morning we did not, unfortunately, go to church, but rather had breakfast at Lucille's, Lucille, in her time, was enamored of ferrets, because her diner was full of ferret decorations including a taxidermied ferret. Mmm. Made my oatmeal go down so much better. After Lucille's, we hit the road, and after 7 hours of driving through some pretty treacherous weather, we arrived in Salt Lake city. At one point the rain was coming down horizontally--it looked like snow. Our flight leaves early tomorrow morning, and we land in Boston sometime after 8, if everything goes well. See you all soon!