Mount Rushmore: I Thought You'd Be Bigger

 
 Road house reference!!  Aww yeah.  We drove up to Keystone to see Mt. Rushmore, and it was smaller than one would think.  Our Rushmore adventures started off poorly, because some asshole left their dog in their car, and the poor thing was practically screaming in the heat, so we went to the information center, and Lizzie reported it to the ranger there, and they "called someone" but no one ever showed up.  We went back to the garage to get the car's license plate number, but either the dog had given up, or they'd left.  Seriously who would lock their dog up in a car with no windows open in 90 degree weather?  I hope the dog eats its owners's face off.

In the 20 minutes we were waiting for the rangers, the man at the info desk told us all about the minuteman missile site out by the badlands.  Apparently there were ten nuclear missiles, and 2 people had keys to each missile, so if it was set off, no one person would know if he was the one responsible for wiping out another country.  Sort of like the old legend of a blank cartridge being used in firing squad executions, allowing each man on the squad to not feel responsible for the accused's death.  GOOD TIMES.  The info dude kept staring at my chest instead of my face, but it was not because of my impressive (also small) Mt. Rushmores, but rather because he felt super awkward and was uncomfortable making eye contact with me.  Also a fly landed on his nose during the conversation.  SO MUCH AWK.

We walked up to the site, and I had mixed feels, because while it's an impressive work, I knew that the sculptor, Gutzon Borglum, was a high ranking member of the KKK. (He was originally commissioned to carve Stone Mountain, but gave up on the project.)  He was super into nativist heroism, and while I think you can love your country and your country's history, it's important to be conscious of the not-so-great things that "great" people are capable of.  Teddy Roosevelt knows--he's giving us all the side eye.  I narrated the thoughts of our founding father's to Lizzie:

Washington:  I DIDN'T HAVE WOODEN TEETH
Jefferson:  HOW DID MY PLAN FOR AMERICA BEING A SMALL AGRARIAN SOCIETY GO?
Roosevelt:  BULL MOOSE!  SHOOT ALL THE THINGS! MURR MURR MURR
Lincoln:  I feel my beard is not rightly represented here.

Also, the original plan was for these four fellas to have pants and whatnot, but that didn't happen.