We Didn't Die While Sea Kayaking

For today's adventure, we went with a tour group on an orca kayaking trip.  Our guide was a young man named William, and he drove us to the launch, had us watch a 12-minute power point presentation/"video" in a nearby hut about not touching/feeding/harassing/making direct eye contact with marine life, before giving us very specific and complicated instructions about setting up our kayak, what to do if we capsize (give up and become friends with the seals--become queens of the seals) and how to use the rudder, all of which we promptly forgot.  Lizzie was brave and took the back seat and steering job (my job was to look out for rocks.  ICEBERG RIGHT AHEAD) and after we were able to free ourselves from a sandbar, we launched pretty easily and trailed slowly after our group.

Lizzie and I are maybe not in the best shape, but we hauled and were mostly able to keep up.  We only stopped a few times to stare at the seals, one pictured below, but unfortunately on this part of the trip we did not see any orcas.  Aside from the seals, we saw a dog which I mistakenly thought was a deer for a minute, a couple of crows, a sparrow chasing a butterfly (the butterfly won), a few geese and a seagull.  Also, at one point, William took of his shirt and we were like "we are Nanas, please put that back on," but he had taken it off to show us kayak rolls.  We declined to try it ourselves, as did the rest of our group.

When we returned to the launch, we had to give our boats a sponge bath and haul them up to the shore, but I need to work on my guns, because Lizzie had to ask William to help me with my end of the boat.  I AM A FAILURE.  Also, I didn't have proper footwear, so I was windmilling on this slippery rock, trying to get my balance, and Lizzie had to shove me in the back to prevent disaster.  That tricksy center of gravity...

 We kayaked for three hours, and then William drove us back on the sea road, and I spotted some orcas in the distance because I am a boss at seeing (not so much at kayaking) and Lizzie and I stared at them, but not directly in the eye.

Okay.  So I hope you all can still respect me after I tell you what happened next.  William dropped us off, and we were about to make the mile walk back to our hotel, when another guide asked us "how was the paddling?  Did you see any orcas?"  As you know, stupid jokes are my jam, so I said "It was great! We saw some whales from the road.  I like to think that the fins were like like an orca middle finger."  WELL.  This did not sit well with the guide who said, "You know orcas have a migration path of 200-500 miles, so seeing them at all, even from the van instead of a kayak, is a magical experience."  He was not pleased with me, and I am pretty sure they are not going to let me take the ferry out tomorrow, and will leave me to swim back to Anacortes in my whale joke shame.  I dunno, I thought it was a killer joke.  HA HA.  Killer.  You know.  Like Killer Whales?  yeaaahhhhh.

My shoulders are gonna hurt so bad tomorrow...