Saturday, May 14, 2011

He's the (Horace) Mann


What do you mean you’ve never heard of Horace Mann? Oh, you must not have grown up in Franklin. Seriously, ol’ Horace, the founder of Public Education, was a big hit with the teachers in Franklin, who made us recite poems on his birthday, and learn Horace Mann fun facts like that his brother drowned in nearby Uncas Pond because he went swimming instead of to church (the locals were like “ha ha! He is being punished for skipping church” and God was like “why are some of my followers such douches?”). Now Horace’s birthplace is a sad looking plaza, but look, someone left him delicious fries to eat. Also in this plaza is Wah-Sing, a crappy Chinese food restaurant which will give you food poisoning. They deal mostly in take out, so when you puke in your sink because you can’t make it to the toilet in time, they don’t have to clean it up. This plaza also marks one end-point of the “Franklin 500”. Teenagers, having nothing better to do in this rather quiet town, drive up the town’s spine (Central street, East and West) from Shaws to Stop and Shop, over and over and over again until they’re old enough to learn about drinking at Glass Hill, which is named after the broken beer bottles which line its sharp face. RIP, Horace, thanks for the education.

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