Thursday, June 4, 2015
How Many Grey's Anatomy References Are Too Many?
When we landed we were starving, because the airlines didn't give us any snacks, only a crushed up baggie of oat bran and crushed banana chips (I guess they figured the oxygen was enough) so the hanger was strong. When we got to the hotel with the car rental desk, there were two people in front of us, the first was a VERY ANGRY lady who was having problem with her credit card, and the second was an elderly midwestern man with back pleated Wranglers. So when it comes to retail/customer show downs, I am 9/10 times going to side with the retail clerk, because normally the customer is some crabby asshole who wants something for free, but in this case, there was no one to side with because the customer was an asshole, and the clerk was an unhelpful dumbass, so we just all sat there being uncomfortable until we were finally given the keys to our Maude for the trip (to be named) which is a piece of shit Hyundai which may or may not explode at some point on this trip. If it does, though, I'll be sure to go to the Grey Sloane Memorial Hospital for A+ care.Anyway, our first stop was a shitty Applebees, but we had to eat and it was there and I got drunk off of one crappy watermelon martini and everyone was embarrassed. Then we drove through the very Boston-like traffic to the Great Wheel, which was suggested to me by a friend in lieu of the Space Needle, which costs more than two tickets for the OBSERVATION WHEEL (it's not a ferris wheel, okay?) After we observed our kingdom, we walked down to the olympic sculpture park, and everything was stupid beautiful. This city is gorgeous, and everyone has cute dogs and exercises all the time. Lizzie and I may or may not end up in jail for dog napping by the end of this trip...
Sunday, August 24, 2014
No Ghosts, But Pretty
We Expected More from this Ghost Tour
Before we left for Stowe, Lizzie and I had done a little research on places to visit. I read a review of Emily's Bridge on trip advisor ("No ghosts, but pretty") and Lizzie found this flickering lantern tour, so we figured it'd be a good way to cover it all.
As Lizzie noted, we should have known better from the flickering lantern tour website. As Lizzie and I mused about what our ghost-tour guide might be wearing, a man who identified himself as Shawn (hereafter known as Shawn of the Dead) wearing a lime polo shirt and khaki shorts carrying several plastic bins of lanterns showed up. He began the tour by telling us that he is a history teacher, and the tour used to just be straight up about history, but no one cares about history (I BEG TO DIFFER) so he shoe horned in some ghost stories to make more money.
Okay. So neither Lizzie nor I believe in ghosts, but we like good story telling, and it's fun to get spooked by scary stories while walking around in the dark. Unfortunately, in his hour and a half tour, Shawn of the Dead told us more about his various employments than he did about history or ghosts. We heard about two ghosts, Boots Barry, and Emily of Emily's bridge, who was the creation of a high school student playing with an ouija board. (No ghosts, but pretty.)
Boots Barry supposedly haunts the Green Mountain Inn. A groomsman who lived in the servants' quarters on the third floor in the mid 19th century, he was deemed a hero after saving a coach from runaway horses (by lying in the road in front of them. Shawn of the dead swears this works, but I wouldn't try it) and was given a medal, and free food and drink for life at any Stowe establishment. This went to his head, and he was fired from his job at the Green Mountain Inn when he became derelict in his duty. He became a hobo, was eventually arrested, and learned how to tap dance from his cell-mate, earning the nickname "Boots." Eventually he made his way back to Stowe, and supposedly saved a little girl who had climbed out on the roof of the Green Mountain Inn to retrieve her doll that had blown out the window. It was snowing out, and after saving the girl, Boots slipped off the roof and died. And now he haunts room 302, and a toilet. Shawn of the dead doesn't seem to know that his 'evidence' of the haunting of 302 casts doubt on the story more than it bolsters it. It is this long-winded ramble about a former student of his who was a practical joker, and put her future mother-in-law in room 302 the night before their wedding. He told us former student's fiance is also a practical joker, and then says that Mom hears "tap dancing" several times during the night, and then when she wakes up, all of the items that had been on her night table were arranged in a circle on her coffee table. Definitely a ghost, and not her mean son and daughter-in-law fucking with someone who is scared of the paranormal. The toilet part is even stupider. Apparently he recommended the Green Mountain Inn to the Gonzales family, and Mrs. Gonzales called Shawn of the dead, and put her husband on the phone who yelled at him for recommending "the most expensive breakfast ever." WHY YOU ASK? Maria Gonzales went into the bathroom with their child, and A STRANGE FORCE PULLED HER RENTAL CAR KEYS OUT OF HER POCKET AND INTO THE TOILET! Some might call this strange force gravity. Obviously Maria didn't want to get in trouble for accidentally flushing her keys, so she convinced her superstitious husband that a ghost did it so he wouldn't be mad at her. Shawn of the dead was like "AND THEN MORE PEOPLE REPORTED LOSING KEYS DOWN THE TOILET" oh I don't know, maybe because they were trying to recreate your stupid boring story? Anyway, Lizzie and I had breakfast there the next morning, and no keys were sucked into the toilet by ghosts.
The second ghost story was even more boring, and involved a kid hugging the gravestone pictured above ("What do you see?" Shawn of the dead asked. "A pac man ghost?" says Lizzie. "A pokemon?" says Shannon). The kid had gone on a tour of the Vermont Teddy Bear factory, bought a teddy bear, named it Emily, WHICH IS THE VERY SAME LUDICROUSLY UNCOMMON NAME OF THE GIRL BURIED UNDER THE TOMB STONE THE CHILD HUGGED LATER, SCREAMING EMILY, EMILY! which Shawn of the Dead tried to convince us was the Emily of Emily's bridge (not true--it's never been proved she existed. If you're going to lie, make up some good, entertaining lies, dammit.) Anyway, apparently the kid's lantern also blew out, which was supposed to be meaningful. At the beginning of the tour, Shawn of the Dead made a joke that non-believers tended to disappear on his tour, and he's right, because as soon as we got back to the visitor center, we dropped off our lanterns and left before his final shill.
Stowe has such interesting history with great potential for fun paranormal stories. There was a giant hotel, a city block long, which burned in a giant fire, all except the bowling alley. Bowling alley + ghost = A+ material. What about the poor person who died in the fire at the von Trapp family inn? He could float along on the wind yodeling at people who forget to extinguish their cigarettes properly. Maybe Lizzie and I will start a competing tour and steal away Sean of the Dead's clientele until he ups his game. (Tap dances to the next post, spookily...)
Corngratulations are in Order
Not if the bears find us first.
We started by just going left, and eventually were forced into a dead-end, and on the way out of the dead end, we passed by a man whose children were pooping in the corn rows. (We knew because we heard rustling in the stalks, and a little boy standing near his father said "they're pooping" while giggling, and Dad gave us a creepy affirmative chortle.) No. Don't do that. I don't know what happens to the corn in this maze, but what if people are going to eat it? Pop-Corn, not Poop-Corn.
As most things do, this started off really fun, but kinda began to stress us out about 10 minutes in. We eventually did find the bridge, and went up to navigate, but ended up turned around several times, sometimes following the dragon flies without another good idea of what to do. Eventually, I began an earnest prayer to the corn god. We were cornfused, in a maize of sin, and only the corn gods, with their delicious bread, could lead us out, and just a few moments later, we arrived at the exit. It only took us 20 minutes, which is probably a Shannon and Lizzie world record, if not a corn maze world record. We did not have to call the fire department to chopper us out, and we did not give up and decide to live in the poop-filled corn rows.Hallelujah.
High on A Hill Lived a Lonely Goatherd
Here you see me coercing Lizzie into doing her best "THE HILLS ARE ALIVEEEEEE" spin with the mountain backdrop. After fleeing nazi Austria, Maria and Georg settled here in Vermont in 1942. Poor Georg died in 1947 (lung cancer. don't smoke, kids) and Maria and the kids (including the three she had with Georg--That's like 10 total) expanded their house into a ski lodge. This ski lodge burned down (killing at least one guest) and on the site they rebuilt an "Austrian-style" lodge because the von trapps super know how to monetize everything.
So the Sound of Music is obviously fictionalized, but interestingly, Maria wasn't super stoked about marrying Georg--he was 25 years her senior--but she did love the kids, and so ended up marrying him anyway. In her own words: "I really and truly was not in love. I liked him but didn't love him. However, I loved the children, so in a way I really married the children. I learned to love him more than I have ever loved before or after." Glad that worked out. I was always kind of team Baroness von Schraeder and the boarding school idea.
Georg and Maria are interred at the lodge, in a fenced off area I initially thought was reserved for on-lodge weddings. No. I was very, very wrong.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)