We Expected More from this Ghost Tour

 Before we left for Stowe, Lizzie and I had done a little research on places to visit.  I read a review of Emily's Bridge on trip advisor ("No ghosts, but pretty") and Lizzie found this flickering lantern tour, so we figured it'd be a good way to cover it all.

As Lizzie noted, we should have known better from the flickering lantern tour website.  As Lizzie and I mused about what our ghost-tour guide might be wearing, a man who identified himself as Shawn (hereafter known as Shawn of the Dead) wearing a lime polo shirt and khaki shorts carrying several plastic bins of lanterns showed up.  He began the tour by telling us that he is a history teacher, and the tour used to just be straight up about history, but no one cares about history (I BEG TO DIFFER) so he shoe horned in some ghost stories to make more money.

Okay. So neither Lizzie nor I believe in ghosts, but we like good story telling, and it's fun to get spooked by scary stories while walking around in the dark.  Unfortunately, in his hour and a half tour, Shawn of the Dead told us more about his various employments than he did about history or ghosts.  We heard about two ghosts, Boots Barry, and Emily of Emily's bridge, who was the creation of a high school student playing with an ouija board.  (No ghosts, but pretty.) 

Boots Barry supposedly haunts the Green Mountain Inn.  A groomsman who lived in the servants' quarters on the third floor in the mid 19th century, he was deemed a hero after saving a coach from runaway horses (by lying in the road in front of them.  Shawn of the dead swears this works, but I wouldn't try it) and was given a medal, and free food and drink for life at any Stowe establishment.  This went to his head, and he was fired from his job at the Green Mountain Inn when he became derelict in his duty.  He became a hobo, was eventually arrested, and learned how to tap dance from his cell-mate, earning the nickname "Boots."  Eventually he made his way back to Stowe, and supposedly saved a little girl who had climbed out on the roof of the Green Mountain Inn to retrieve her doll that had blown out the window.  It was snowing out, and after saving the girl, Boots slipped off the roof and died.  And now he haunts room 302, and a toilet. 

Shawn of the dead doesn't seem to know that his 'evidence' of the haunting of 302 casts doubt on the story more than it bolsters it.  It is this long-winded ramble about a former student of his who was a practical joker, and put her future mother-in-law in room 302 the night before their wedding.  He told us former student's fiance is also a practical joker, and then says that Mom hears "tap dancing" several times during the night, and then when she wakes up, all of the items that had been on her night table were arranged in a circle on her coffee table.  Definitely a ghost, and not her mean son and daughter-in-law fucking with someone who is scared of the paranormal.  The toilet part is even stupider.  Apparently he recommended the Green Mountain Inn to the Gonzales family, and Mrs. Gonzales called Shawn of the dead, and put her husband on the phone who yelled at him for recommending "the most expensive breakfast ever."  WHY YOU ASK?  Maria Gonzales went into the bathroom with their child, and A STRANGE FORCE PULLED HER RENTAL CAR KEYS OUT OF HER POCKET AND INTO THE TOILET!  Some might call this strange force gravity.  Obviously Maria didn't want to get in trouble for accidentally flushing her keys, so she convinced her superstitious husband that a ghost did it so he wouldn't be mad at her.  Shawn of the dead was like "AND THEN MORE PEOPLE REPORTED LOSING KEYS DOWN THE TOILET" oh I don't know, maybe because they were trying to recreate your stupid boring story?  Anyway, Lizzie and I had breakfast there the next morning, and no keys were sucked into the toilet by ghosts.

The second ghost story was even more boring, and involved a kid hugging the gravestone pictured above ("What do you see?" Shawn of the dead asked.  "A pac man ghost?" says Lizzie.  "A pokemon?" says Shannon).  The kid had gone on a tour of the Vermont Teddy Bear factory, bought a teddy bear, named it Emily, WHICH IS THE VERY SAME LUDICROUSLY UNCOMMON NAME OF THE GIRL BURIED UNDER THE TOMB STONE THE CHILD HUGGED LATER, SCREAMING EMILY, EMILY! which Shawn of the Dead tried to convince us was the Emily of Emily's bridge (not true--it's never been proved she existed.  If you're going to lie, make up some good, entertaining lies, dammit.)  Anyway, apparently the kid's lantern also blew out, which was supposed to be meaningful.  At the beginning of the tour, Shawn of the Dead made a joke that non-believers tended to disappear on his tour, and he's right, because as soon as we got back to the visitor center, we dropped off our lanterns and left before his final shill. 

Stowe has such interesting history with great potential for fun paranormal stories.  There was a giant hotel, a city block long, which burned in a giant fire, all except the bowling alley.  Bowling alley + ghost = A+ material.  What about the poor person who died in the fire at the von Trapp family inn?  He could float along on the wind yodeling at people who forget to extinguish their cigarettes properly.  Maybe Lizzie and I will start a competing tour and steal away Sean of the Dead's clientele until he ups his game.  (Tap dances to the next post, spookily...)